Tuesday.

As I drove home from work today, I felt the sun on my cheek. It was a comforting warmth, not too intense, but also still very obvious. It was a very specific feeling; like the kind of warmth that made you want to just lay in the grass near a tree under some clouds with your best friend while a gentle breeze floated by. Not talking, but just being there, together. Even now, I can still feel the sun on my face.

As I basked in the sunshine and this feeling, I was oddly at peace. Just being there feeling like I did. It was wonderful, but then when I stopped at a red light, I suddenly felt empty. The feeling was gone and as wonderful as it was, it was replaced by something of equal opposition. It’s strange how quickly we can go from one feeling of bliss to another of loneliness. But it was okay. I acknowledged how I felt in both moments and continued on.

I’m grateful for those reassuring moments. I wasn’t always like that, not always so self-aware. I guess that’s a sign of growth.

I Pick My Posion

And it’s you.
So I definitely, maybe, sort of, totally did steal my heading from Rita Orr’s song, “Poison,” but oh well. Hopefully she forgives me. I listened to her song for the first time today and it made me feel something. I’m still not quite sure what it has inspired in me, but I think mostly a longing for something else. Someone else.
I want someone to be my ‘poison.’ I want someone to want me back. Is that strange? Or is that normal? Or are my suppressed teenage-emotions resurfacing after a few (I’m being generous) dormant years?

Damn you, Rita. Damn you and your super catchy, love-inspiring, song.