I’m writing this as I sit next to my younger brother who is playing Minecraft on his tablet, and giving a very enthusiastic blow-by-blow of his every move in the game, while I listen to Of Monsters and Men’s newest album, Beneath The Skin. I’m desperately trying to drum up the motivation to actually get moving on this project of mine, 48&Mack. I can feel my motivation hovering quietly below my skin, but it’s not quite strong enough to break through the surface just yet.
As a 23 year old (soon to be 24 actually), I find my life operating in cycles of extreme motivation/action followed by this sort of haze that I find myself in now. Which ends in a lot of retroactive behaviour on my part. I draw a lot of inspiration to do things on yesterday’s energy, not today’s. And I’m wondering- is that how all people my age are? Or am I just drifting around hoping to stumble upon something that ignites a spark (2 points for me for using a tired cliche). I’m not sure.
In a way, I’m jealous of my younger brother. Right now, in this moment, he’s entirely worried about this enderman he’s trying to defeat and nothing else. Why can’t I have that kind of extreme concentration? Is that a blaring sign that I’m an adult, or have I just been jaded by the world and these ‘responsibilities’ that we seem to orient our lives around? Or am I just being naive thinking that I could compare my experiences to those of a 7 year olds? I’m not too sure about that either.
But what I do know is that I’m seriously looking for meaning to my life right now. Not saying that I think my life is meaningless, just that I would like it to mean more. I’m hoping for an awesome revelation as to what I’m suppose to be doing, where I’m suppose to be going, and what gets me out of bed in the morning, besides the need to pee.