Today was a good day.

The title is pretty much self-explanatory, but today was a good day. I was excited to go to work which is something I’m thankful for. I quite like my job, which is a novel experience. I used to babysit for a while and then I worked at a major retail chain, and both jobs were good in the sense that they paid my bills- but I never quite felt fulfilled by them. Not like this job. Anyways, I think today was good because I had time in the morning to myself. You know those few minutes that you sometimes get in the morning before you really have to start getting ready, maybe in-between breakfast and getting dressed. Where you just get to sit and enjoy your coffee and for those few minutes, not stress about what you have to do. I actually woke up on time (not delayed by 15 minutes which is my usual) so I got to enjoy my morning. And holy moly, does it really alter the tone for which your day is set. I wish you all 5 minutes tomorrow of peaceful, stress-free morning.

Kitty and Red

I watched approximately seven episodes of That 70’s Show today, propelling my love for Foreman, Hyde and Kitty, further and further. Mostly Kitty though. My favourite thing to do on days when I really just want to be mindless for a while, is to open up a tab with Netflix and then open up a tab with Tumblr, each halving my computer screen so I can be semi-engaged in each at once. Today was such a day.

After a few minutes (probably more like 20, but Tumblr can be a vortex) of scrolling, I saw this post and could think of nothing more fitting while I watch Kitty get ready to make dinner for herself and her family. Something I used to think was a domineering form of female domestication that embodied all things wrong with society. But now, I understand it to be so much more than that. Kitty (and if you’ve ever watched the show, you know what’s up) is truly a fantastic character.

She has a full time job as a nurse, where she regularly takes shit from the male doctors who think she’s not smart enough. Kitty also willingly puts up with Red’s chauvinistic behaviours, which are the guiding principles in his life. You can tell that she knows this is how he is, how ridiculous his behaviour is, and yet Kitty loves & respects Red anyway. I’m not saying people like Red don’t deserve love, but that for a woman as progressive as Kitty, she could have been with someone a little bit more aware.

So here she is cooking away, while Red relaxes at the table with a beer and newspaper in hand, and Eric is in the basement with all the others. It’s not because this is her womanly duty as a wife and mother, but because this is what she wants to be doing. She, and so many other women, identify strongly with stereotypical ‘womanly’ jobs not because they’re conforming to the societal norms (and so what if they are), but because this is what makes them fucking happy!

Such a notion was mind-blowing to 18 year-old Sarah’s brain.

That you could simultaneously engage in things that are feminine and yet ‘shed ideas of internalized misogyny’. For me, Kitty cooking dinner embodied this idea exactly. For so long I had purposely avoided things I thought to be feminine because my upbringing taught me that to be feminine was to be lesser, weak and unintelligent.  Yet that’s all people who identify as women are suppose to be, feminine.

So, stir that pot, Kitty, chop that salad and mash those potatoes, girl. ‘Cause you’re trailblazing. Even if it’s from my laptop screen, on a fictional show that is nine years since over.

Life is funny.

I’m writing this as I sit next to my younger brother who is playing Minecraft on his tablet, and giving a very enthusiastic blow-by-blow of his every move in the game, while I listen to Of Monsters and Men’s newest album, Beneath The Skin. I’m desperately trying to drum up the motivation to actually get moving on this project of mine, 48&Mack. I can feel my motivation hovering quietly below my skin, but it’s not quite strong enough to break through the surface just yet.

As a 23 year old (soon to be 24 actually), I find my life operating in cycles of extreme motivation/action followed by this sort of haze that I find myself in now. Which ends in a lot of retroactive behaviour on my part. I draw a lot of inspiration to do things on yesterday’s energy, not today’s. And I’m wondering- is that how all people my age are? Or am I just drifting around hoping to stumble upon something that ignites a spark (2 points for me for using a tired cliche). I’m not sure.

In a way, I’m jealous of my younger brother. Right now, in this moment, he’s entirely worried about this enderman he’s trying to defeat and nothing else. Why can’t I have that kind of extreme concentration? Is that a blaring sign that I’m an adult, or have I just been jaded by the world and these ‘responsibilities’ that we seem to orient our lives around? Or am I just being naive thinking that I could compare my experiences to those of a 7 year olds? I’m not too sure about that either.

But what I do know is that I’m seriously looking for meaning to my life right now. Not saying that I think my life is meaningless, just that I would like it to mean more. I’m hoping for an awesome revelation as to what I’m suppose to be doing, where I’m suppose to be going, and what gets me out of bed in the morning, besides the need to pee.